Robert Maschio Thinks He's Famous

Scrubs star Robert Maschio has been accused of getting wasted and choking a man while tending bar at a Make-a-Wish Foundation event in Santa Monica. The accuser, one Tom Binder, says Maschio, who plays a character named The Todd, became enraged when Binder apparently didn't recognize him, screamed "You don't know who I am! I just raised $8,000 for this organization, you little piece of shit," then grabbed Binder by his necktie and began strangling him. Binder is also suing ABC on the premise that Maschio was at the charity event as a representative of the network.

You know what lesson I've taken from this story? If you're in the presence of a Z-list actor who has clearly been imbibing, just pretend you know who he is. Tell him he's the greatest actor you've ever seen, a million times better than Brando. Offer to hand your wife or first-born child over to him if he wants them. And then back away slowly.